


Bits and Bots

by LooNEY_DAC



Series: LooNEY_DAC's SSSS Crossovers [4]
Category: Gremlins (Movies), Stand Still Stay Silent, WALL-E (2008)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Behold My Insanity, Gen, Gremlins crossover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2018-09-26 16:44:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9911840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LooNEY_DAC/pseuds/LooNEY_DAC
Summary: The SSSS gang as bots exploring the newly reclaimed Earth in the aftermath of WALL-E.





	1. Amid the Ruins

The _whirrrrrrr_ of the scout-bot’s treads was the only sound amid the trash piles that towered over it as it returned to the repurposed APC that served as its base after a long night of reconnaissance. Despite it all, of course, LALL-E was still as alert as when it had sallied forth, though it needed to recharge.

The others were waiting for it: TUUR-E, the only other bot on the team which spoke the same computer language as LALL-E; MIK-L, decontamination brushes at the ready; EM-L, looking relieved that LALL-E was back in one piece; and EID-E, their leader, awaiting LALL-E’s report.

Most of the report was about which routes their vehicle could manage and which were impassable, but there _was_ something else of interest that LALL-E had noticed: there was a large amount of loose refuse in certain areas ahead. This was both good (as part of their directive was to search for interesting bits among such loose refuse) and bad (as it meant the WALL-Es had ceased working in this area).

There were two possible reasons for the WALL-Es to have left their work incomplete: either they had all broken down, or they had suffered an outbreak of the cRash Virus. In either case, there was no telling how safe or unsafe the loose refuse areas were, but EID-E was ready to press ahead anyway.

The cRash Virus exploited a hole in the BIOS hard-coded into every bot’s ROM chips; only a very small portion were safe from it, due to a manufacturing error. This virus usually simply shut the bot down forever, but in some cases... it _didn’t_.

Of the bots on this mission, only TUUR-E was vulnerable to the cRash Virus, so TUUR-E was stuck on the bus most of the time while the others went a-scavenging. TUUR-E kept grumbling about how un-optimized this state of affairs was, but still stayed standing silently in their vehicle.

It wasn’t a very big vehicle: while each bot had its own little cubbyhole, and the cargo hold was adequate, there really wasn’t much more space for a restless robot to prowl around while waiting for the others to return. It _was_ , however, sturdy and dependable, which was what it needed to be.

LALL-E and TUUR-E were from the same production block, and of similar design; as has been said above, they shared a common computer language, as well, so they usually got along fairly well. Another of their general kind, ONN-E, had been unable to accompany them due to its FEAR Protocols almost crippling it.

Of the others, their general services bot, MIK-L, was large and stoic; EM-L, their secondary defensive unit, was nice but a little self-centered; and EID-E, their head warrior bot and the commander of the expedition, could best be summarized by the art someone had put on its carapace of “Sigrun the Valkyrie”.

Its report given and accepted, LALL-E prepared itself for its inactive cycle...


	2. Parts and Spares

The creature was one of the last living things on Earth, and was so very _tired_. There were _things_ lurking nearby, and that would have been a worry if the creature had been less worn through.

While any individual life was fleeting in this world, each individual felt the need to carry that spark forward; so it was with the creature. As death stole upon it, the creature birthed its last litter.

Moments later, the newborns huddled around the carcass of their parent, not out of filial piety, but to protect the meat until it was time for it to be consumed. Until then, they would sing a warning to the _things_ that lurked and waited as they did.

*

EM-L was completing the final sweep of its designated search area when its aural sensors detected the characteristic sounds that indicated animal life was active in the near area. With a brief comm-burst to EID-E, EM-L trundled off to investigate.

When EM-L emerged into a mostly open space, it found the source of the noises. Close to the top of an old concrete support was a heavily injured animal, snarling and hissing at a cluster of very different animals below.

It only took a moment for EM-L to identify the injured animal, mangled though it was, as a mature female _felis domesticatus_ (though almost certainly feral). The other animals, however, matched no known species in EM-L’s databanks. Considering EM-L had been retrofitted from nursery duty, and thus needed knowledge of any remotely dangerous organisms that were known, this spoke volumes.

)Unknown predatory species data:  
)Height: 0.7 meters  
)Homoform bipeds--no brachiation observed  
)Binocular vision  
)Extreme pineal hypertrophy with probable consequent highly acute hearing  
)Lean but strong  
)Aggressive  
)Potential danger: EXTREME  
)Preliminary designation:  
Genetically  
Recombinant  
Emergent  
Malevolent  
Life-forms of  
Intrusive  
Nature

A few weak snarls and hisses drew EM-L’s attention back to the beleaguered cat.

)Directive: Protect the innocent

“Cease and desist all malicious activity against the feline immediately or I will intervene. This is your only warning. I am EM-L, and I do not bluff.”

This was the first time EM-L had needed to use its external speaker array on this mission; fortunately, everything functioned as it had been designed to.

_Un_ fortunately, the GREMLINs all turned to look at EM-L with identical expressions of gleeful anticipation. EM-L had seen that look before, in its nursery days.

)Behavioral note: potential apogymnomania

As the GREMLINs shifted in preparation for their assault on EM-L, the bot detected a small pile of smaller kittens behind them. Most were dead, but one was still alive. EM-L wasted no time. In a series of acrobatic moves the GREMLINs clearly were not expecting from the bot, EM-L sped over to the last live kitten, scooped it up, and sealed it in the special ‘pet chamber’ within EM-L.

While short bursts from the flamethrower successfully repelled the first few GREMLIN assaults, EM-L’s fuel was sadly low, so the bot needed to switch to its onboard projectile weaponry before even half of the GREMLINs were dispatched.

The creatures were remarkably capable of absorbing damage, causing high ammo expenditure; EM-L therefore switched to the high-explosive shells, its ordinance manager app helpfully informing the bot that there were 28 rounds of this type remaining in its magazines.

The GREMLIN nearest EM-L exploded into a shower of green goo, but not from one of EM-L’s explosive shells; rather, it had been struck by a particle burst.

)EID-E has arrived

]FEAR NOT, EM-L! YOUR LEADER HAS ARRIVED!

EID-E assessed the tactical situation for a moment, then deployed its truly impressive array of highly agile cutting and shredding gear with what sounded very like a grunt of satisfaction.

One of EID-E’s little quirks was that it liked to do battle with a musical accompaniment, usually drawn from the oeuvre of an ancient pop singer named _Michael Jackson_. EM-L was therefore not surprised in the least to hear the opening beats of one of the more up-tempo pieces spill forth from EID-E’s (slightly lower quality) speaker array.

_We’re on a mission for the everlasting light that shines..._

EID-E waded into the mass of GREMLINs surrounding EM-L, blades whirling and slashing in a butcher’s ballet that was synchronized with the music.

_So long, bad times..._

]EID-E OPERATING AT OPTIMUM EFFICIENCY!

It didn’t take them long to clear the GREMLINs off after that, but the bots were faced with a new problem: care and feeding of an immature feline.

They were also running out of ordinance.

*

The replenishment drone, an ACE-A dirigible unit with the name “Túnfiskurinn” emblazoned on it, lowered the two crates of ordinance and spare parts rather perfunctorily and left. While EID-E and MIK-L opened one, EM-L and LALL-E saw to the other.

LALL-E was almost in a combat stance as it scanned the crate. When EM-L noticed, it shot a query at the other bot, but the answer came not from LALL-E, but from within the crate.

A red-topped bot opened the crate from within, almost drawing fire from EM-L and LALL-E...


	3. Wascally Wobots

There had been no warning of what was about to happen, but LALL-E somehow had known anyway. Even as EM-L attempted to defend itself, it registered and recorded that fact for future analysis, assuming it survived to analyze anything.

)Opponent designation:  
Gargantuan  
Intermingled  
Assembly of  
Networked  
Technology

The very sight of the GIANT was horrible to a bot like EM-L, even though EM-L was immune to the cRash virus that had created it. The GIANT was a hideous, seemingly purposeless amalgamation of bots and random junk thrown together as though by a WALL-R gone mad; but its randomness was only a charade, quickly cast aside once the GIANT turned its attention to potential prey. A GIANT was optimized for one purpose: destruction of any bots unwary enough to come within its range.

Now, EM-L and LALL-E were both in this GIANT’s range, and EM-L’s ammo was dangerously low again…

*

EM-L had logged into the comm system so that it could give a better, more comprehensive and conclusive report on the GREMLINs, and had decided to see if it could find out a little more about the additional facilities TUUR-E had implied that both LALL-E and REYN-R possessed.

}Available data on extended capacities of units designated REYN-R and LALL-E:  
Program:  
Military  
Assistant  
Generic  
Improvement  
Capability

Type I:  
N - [CLASSIFIED]  
O - [CLASSIFIED]  
I - [CLASSIFIED]  
T - [CLASSIFIED]  
A - [CLASSIFIED]

Type II:  
S - [CLASSIFIED]  
E - [CLASSIFIED]  
I - [CLASSIFIED]  
D - [CLASSIFIED]  
U - [CLASSIFIED]  
R - [CLASSIFIED]

EM-L was confused. Was the system reacting to EM-L’s old level of access from when EM-L was a simple nursery bot? If not, why would the system still say EM-L’s access level was too low to unmask the data when EM-L obviously had a need to know at least the very basics of what this MAGIC was and how it would affect LALL-E and REYN-R?

]DON’T LET IT GET YOU DOWN, EM-L! EID-E’s “voice” was almost at OLS-N intensity. ]SO WHAT IF SOME DATA-PUSHER THINKS YOU DON’T HAVE THE STUFF? THEY NEVER DO, EVEN IF THE EVIDENCE IS SHOVED IN THEIR OPTICAL DETECTION ARRAY!

)Do you possess any relevant information on this… MAGIC stuff?

]NAAAAH. I’VE WORKED WITH A FEW UNITS IN THE PROGRAM, AND SEEN SOME INTERESTING STUFF, BUT ALL I KNOW IS WHAT MY SENSORS RECORDED AND WHAT I COULD DEDUCE FROM THAT. I SUGGEST THAT YOU KEEP YOUR SENSORS ACTIVE AND YOUR WRITE-PROTECT OFF.

The advice seemed sensible enough, though EM-L wasn’t sure it needed to remove the write-protect from all of its files.

*

EM-L was facing permanent cessation of function, and was most unhappy. It was also quite distressed at the thought that LALL-E would join it in permanent cessation of function as well. EM-L wondered briefly if shutting down its optical array would make the overall deactivation less unpleasant, but decided it would not; thus, EM-L witnessed what happened next.

LALL-E unfolded like an origami creation, exposing some oddly humped emitter that activated with a loud BUZZZZZZZ. EM-L’s sensors could detect no emissions, but the effect upon the GIANT was sudden and enormous. In almost no time (1.3751 +/-0.0107 x 10^27 planck units, according to EM-L’s internal clock), the GIANT lost all cohesion and interconnectivity, raining down on EM-L and LALL-E as disparate components which were deflected by a different emission from the emitter.

As soon as the shower of parts stopped, LALL-E folded itself back into a familiar form—but EM-L was horrified anew to realize that LALL-E was now in the form that it used when it needed to recharge…


End file.
